Cathrine Feehely – In My Humble Opinion

Baby Boomer Busted

BABY BOOMER BUSTED

In my fifties, menopausal, overweight, in debt and now you tell me I no longer have a job.  And I need to do what?  Start all over again? Have I mentioned that I was tired of the rat race, struggling with the start of each new day, ending in exhaustion with the singular hope that maybe tomorrow would be different.

The following is the story of a hard working Baby Boomer who got Busted!

At 53, one would believe that I would have an established career, be debt-free, accumulated enough savings with investments for a plentiful worry free retirement. And you know what, I came close!

Last year I made the decision to use my savings and take out loans to make some sound investments.  Well, we all know what happened to the stock and real estate markets. With the time-lines set for loan repayment looming ahead, it was difficult to comprehend that I had put myself in risk of losing everything.  Well, I thought at least I have a job that pays fairly well and if I made some changes everything should be okay. Well, it wasn’t okay.

The unthinkable happened. I like so many others, lost my well paying job due to company restructuring. With no pension, no savings, no other income stream and huge debt, I was devastated.

The humiliation I felt in regard to my decisions, the failure, the loved ones I believed I had let down was more than I could bear.  What was wrong with me and why did I seem to keep making the same mistakes?

It was in this dark place of complete solitude, exhausted and surrounded by a sense of hopelessness that my disparity took me to places of thought that was in stark contradiction to my beliefs but somehow now all made sense. Reasoning in dark places is a powerful and persuasive tool.

Uncertain as to where a thought is generated, I started to believe that the only value I had left to repay my debt and give to my loved one’s would be found in my life insurance policies.  Need I say more?  Accepting that I was a coward, fearing death, I began to pray for courage and ways to make it look like an accident.  I reasoned away the residual effect on those who cared for me, with the hope that they would see this as an accident and not a choice, grieve for a time but would have the money I had left them.

To understand how certain events are orchestrated in our lives, will always be for me an exercise of awe. On a day where my only mandate was to put in time, I came across a motivational tape in my email. I decided to listen to it before deleting. The man was talking about the law of attraction sharing his story of losing a loved one, the effect it had, the message he received and how it had changed his life.

His words provoked thoughts about my decisions, the speed and impact of their results which led me to think, if my decisions were that powerful to bring about negative results then, what was stopping me from making new decisions that would generate with equal speed and impact the positive results I desired?  Nothing!

I began to see myself, my reality and decisions from a completely new perspective. Was it possible that my decisions had not generated negative results? Was I exactly where I needed to be in order to reach a turning point in my life?  Was I being given a new direction that would enable me to move closer towards the fulfilment of my dreams and purpose?

It was at that moment through what might be best described as divine revelation and inspiration, I could feel the stirring of new hope igniting my strength with a refreshed determination to continue on in my journey. Empowered with knowledge and a new understanding, I believed that I could and would conquer all that was before me! The choice was mine.

There are common threads that bind all of humanity. It is the desire to fulfill our dreams and life purpose. We share in the experience of pain, disappointment and disillusionment but amongst the perception of failure, we receive success, know love, joy and happiness.  It is within our power to choose what we will focus on and the way in which we will learn our lessons of wisdom.

But what is of up most importance, no matter where we find ourselves, we must believe that it is never too late nor is it beyond our power, to make a decision that will totally change the direction of our lives.  To be grateful for all of our life experiences, embracing the knowledge gained to make necessary changes.  A change in perspective, our view of ourselves, our circumstances can make the difference between an unfulfilled life and a life filled with joy filled purpose.

It isn’t easy to bring change but it is within our power.  I heard once that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, while looking for a change. Change requires a commitment of effort on our part.  In the book, the Road Less Travelled, the first three words are “Life is difficult”.  For each one of us, the difficulty will come in varying degrees.  It is my belief that those who are challenged and overcome the highest degrees of difficulty will also be rewarded with the highest of value.

And I am grateful to be able to say that I am a card carrying member of the group.  I am in this journey and I have decided to give it my best shot.  I am excited about the unlimited possibilities that my life presents.  And so I ask, what will be your decision? Will you join me on this wonderful journey we call living?

All my love,
Cathrine Feehely